i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
