Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
