i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
