It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
