You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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