Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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