I hope mine doesn't look like that
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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