C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
