I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
