i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
