I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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