Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
