I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
