I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
