Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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