I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
