Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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