Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
