my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
