So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I touched a dick in church today
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
