Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
