She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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