i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
