The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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