Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
