From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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