I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
