How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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