That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
