I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
