it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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