Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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