it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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