4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
