He uses pillows to masturbate.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
