Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
