stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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