Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
