Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize