guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
