I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Soap is not a condiment
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
