Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
