please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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