brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
