dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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