I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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