we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
