i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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