ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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