Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
