I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if only i could text you this smell
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
