i permit you to call me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
