She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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