In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
