he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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