fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
