I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
