I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
