there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
