New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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