Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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