K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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