whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
