So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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