well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
