Got a toothbrush?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
