whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
