i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
