he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
