Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
