my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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