my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
