I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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