Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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