I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
