Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
