The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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