we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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