Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I came so hard my ears popped.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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